Hyung, Notice Me
by hannah i love you
Summary: ADOPTED from BabyGarnetgirl, Taemin is in love with Onew, Onew is in love with Taemin but is with Key. Taemin starts a bad habit, and now can't stop WARNIG: self hate, cutting, ect. R
1. Chapter 1

"Taemin! Wake up!" Key said, shaking Taemin in the process. Taemin groaned as he got out of his warm bed, and glanced around his messy room, looking for his school uniform. He distantly heard Key announce that breakfast was ready, but he wasn't really in the mood to eat that morning, so he went straight to the bathroom, to shower, comb his hair, and brush his teeth.

Slipping on his slightly wrinkled uniform, he left the steaming bathroom. "Morning," he said in between a yawn.

"You're not going to have breakfast?" Key asked, concern evident in his tone, "You really should eat something." He handed Taemin some toast, silently requesting he eat.

"Fine," Taemin pouted and munched on the toast.

Minho quietly entered the room, and sat at the table. He began to eat his breakfast. Already done, Taemin jumped up and gathered his school work.

"I think I'll leave early, Minho," He said, heading to the door. "Oh no you don't mister," Key interrupted, "You're not leaving with out Minho, who knows what'll happen to you?" Taemin sighed, "I'll be fine, you don't need to be so over protective of me."

Abruptly standing up, causing Key and Taemin to jump, Minho calmly grabbed his things, "Don't worry hyung, I'll take care of our little magnae," with that said, he grabs Taemin's hand and pulls him out the door.

Walking down the sidewalk, Taemin, frowned at Minho. Why can't they see I'm not a little kid? "Is something wrong?," he heard Minho say, interrupting his thoughts.

"I'm, fine," he replies and looks toward the ground. While lost in his dreamland, Minho kept staring at his magnae.

I know you're lying, Taemin, why can't you trust me enough to confide in me?

The bell rang, signaling lunch time, and Taemin waited until everyone left. He headed out the classroom, and away from all the loud and cheerful students. Reaching the school's roof top, he sighed and looked up to the sky.

Closing his eyes, Taemin couldn't stop depressing thoughts from surfacing. I wish he'd notice me. He only looks at Key hyung. I guess I'm just not good enough. Sniffling, Taemin wipes forming tears from his eyes.

Behind him, a loud crash was heard, making him jump in surprise. The door to the roof swung open, revealing Minho.

"Taemin," he said. Looking into his magnae's eyes, he could tell he was previously crying. "Taeminnie, are okay?" He asked, reaching for the magnae.

"I'm fine!" Taemin nearly shouts, and swats his hyung's hand away. "Stop asking me if I'm alright or not, its troublesome."

Angrily, he storms off to class, leaving Minho confused and a little rejected.

"Onew, I'm worried about Taeminnie." Onew looked up as Key walked into the room.

"What's wrong with him? Is he sick?" Onew asked, concerned.

"I don't think so," Key said, shaking his head no. "It's just, this morning, and lately really, he's been distant." Key sat down at the end of the bed, arms crossed, and frowning.

"Maybe you're just overreacting, he's probably just rebelling, you do baby him a lot," Onew tries to comfort him. Sitting close to Key, he holds his hand. "I'm getting jealous."

"Huh?" Key asks with a bewildered expression.

"You've been worrying over Taemin, and not paying attention to me," Onew pouts. Lightly smacking Onew, Key leans over and kisses him.

"I guess I have. Maybe that's why Taemin is acting strange," Key trails off.

Minho and Taemin had finished school, and were heading to practice. All the while, Minho kept giving Taemin curious glances. When they arrived, they all quickly began to go over dance moves.

"Ugh, enough," Jonghyun cried out, sitting on the hard wood floors. They've been dancing non-stop for several hours, and even the dance-machine Taemin wanted a break. They all went and got their water bottles, and sat around, relaxing.

Taemin sat off on his own, and everybody noticed. "Hey Taemin," Jonghyun called, "sit over here." Taemin glanced over to his hyung, and sighed, "alright..." and crawled over, too tired to even stand.

Jonghyun slung his arm around Taemin's shoulder. "So how have you been?" he asked while fondly ruffling his hair. "Okay..." Taemin replied, without his usual pout or grin.

Feeling his body go numb, Jonghyun faked a smile, and then stared off seriously. What is his problem?

It was late, and they were tired, but Onew, Key, Minho, and Jonghyun were having a sort of 'family meeting', about Taemin.

"Ok, I really think something is up with Taemin," Key announced, which was followed by various forms of agreements.

"What do you think we should do?" Key questioned, hoping someone had an idea. He was met by silence.

"Alright, how about we think of, why he's acting this way?" Key looked around expectantly. He sighed, "Nothing?"

"Well," Minho started, "Maybe it's because of, you and Onew hyung." Key blinked several times, a blank expression on his face. "Onew and him are normally really close...but once you both got together," he trailed off.

I long creak interrupted.

"Hyungs...what are you all doing?" Taemin quietly asked, standing in the center of the hall clad in his pajamas.

"Uh, um, uh..."Key intelligently said. "We were just, deciding what to do for breakfast tomorrow," Onew butted in, attempting to save Key.

Taemin just looked at the weirdly, and walked down the hall toward the bathroom.

They were talking about me...Taemin thought while standing in front of the bathroom sink. He had gotten up, due to the other band members loudness and he was having trouble sleeping, so he thought he'd get something to drink, when he found his band mates gathered around the dining room table, discussing something important.

Splashing cold water onto his face, Taemin glared at the mirror. Why do they talk behind my back? Is it because they know I'm in love with Onew? I bet that's it, they must be making fun of me.

Sniffling, Taemin wipes his eyes and looks at himself. "I'm so ugly," he whispered.

Glancing around, he spots, a razor. 


	2. Chapter 2

Taemin sat in the bathroom debating with himself, on one hand he knew he needed to stop cutting, but on the other it felt so good. Grabbing the razor from its spot next to Taemin, he dragged the thin metal across his wrist. Watching the blood spew from his own arm made him smile. But of course someone had to ruin it by knocking on the door. "Taemin? Are you okay in there? I do not want to smother you, but you have been in there for half of a hour." Key asked in to the hall bathroom door. Of coarse Key would ruin it! His 'Umma' Key was getting worried about him, he would stay in the bathroom for about a hour every night, and even thou it was almost summer he would always either a long sleeve shirt or a sweater.

"I'm fine Umma," Taemin muttered messing with the hem of his sweat shirt, "I'm not feeling well, I am going to go lay down." with that Taemin started walking down the hall to his room after being reminded about dance practice in and hour. Making sure his door was locked, he grabbed his journal from in between his bed, and starter to write~

_ Some call it crazy_

_ Some say its sick_

_ But I think its freedom_

_ The pain is fierce but quick _

_Some say that it s a sin _

_Just a little to risqu _

_But it helps release the pain_

_ That I go through every day _

_The blade is sharp and cold _

_As it runs across my skin _

_Leaving me to ponder _

_And decide how deep _

_I cut in The icy chill running down my spine _

_Makes me feel at ease I no longer feel like a coward _

_F**king up on everything with every breath I breathe _

_But some days I want to stop _

_Feelings like everything's wrong _

_Trying to let go of the blade Sometimes I can but not for long _

_It s like I am addicted to the pain _

_The feeling taking refuge in my veins _

_Leaving me feeling confused and alone _

_Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained _

_Burned into my skin forever _

_Becoming a part that I cannot escape _

_Sometimes I just want to hurt all over _

_To scream at the top of my lungs until they break _

_I want to escape from my sadness _

_It s taking over me _

_Why cannot I just rest _

_Why will not it let me be _

_I just want to be free _

Setting his pen down, he knew his eyes would be red from crying. He knew he needed to calm down, Onew would knock on his door in 15 minuets to come get him to get him for dance practice.

* * *

"Umm, Guys we have a big problem." Key said walking in to the living room where the other three were playing Xbox360, Jonghyun paused the game and looked up "Theres something wrong with Taemin!" that got Onew and Minho to look up with worried expression plastered on their faces. "He was in the bathroom for half a hour, and he is always wearing long sleeves," He inquired to the others "You're right, Plus he is never down here with us. He always says in his room" Onew frowned "well I need to go get get him for our dance practice" with that he left the room on the way to his young crush's room. Raising his hand he knocked on the students door, before he could even remove his hand Taming rushed out of his room, trying to make sure Onew did not see his pink face from crying. Onew looked in to the room curious to what made him run out of the room, Spotting a small notebook he grabbed in and was about to read through it but Minho yelled for him to get downstairs so they could leave. As he past his room Onew put the notebook on his desk, than ran downstairs to leave.

* * *

At dance practice the five SHINee members were practicing Sherlock for the 5th time today. Everyone but Taemin had taken their shirts off **(A.N.- *drool*)**. Taemin was sweating through the stupid sweatshirt, and the dance instructor and requested he takes it off five times already, thou every time he just says its fine or that he is cold. Onew was getting more and more worried, what could be wrong? Just looking at the sweatshirt made him sweat, and the sweater was soaked, Taemin was going to get over heated if he continued this! "God Taming! Take the freaking sweater off! It's making me hot just looking at the stupid thing!" Onew yelled a little to loud, all four of the dancers started at Taemin, Who looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Before anyone could say anything the young dance ran from the room, grabbing his bag that was laying net to the door. The four others ran right behind him until he slammed the door to the bathroom. Once inside he locked the door as fast as he could. He pulled up his sleeve revealing the red scars all over his arm.

"Damn it! It's infected," Taemin cursed to himself. "Lets see what I have in my bag," Taemin muttered to himself, the only thing that caught his eye was a Band-Aid. "Okay, I guess this will have to work for now" Taemin said to himself **(A.N.- in an interview the SHINee members said that Taming talks to himself)**. He washed out the cuts cursing at himself for going so deep today. After fixing himself up he opened the door, only to see Onew still sitting outside the door waiting for him to come out. Again Taemin ran out of the room, trying to save himself from the embarrassment. Onew did not try to chase him this time, he just strolled into the bathroom. Seeing something on the floor, curiosity took over and he picked it up. It was a band aid wrapper, why is there a band aid wrapper in here? They were the only ones here today, so it must have been Taming, wait Taming? Oh My God!

* * *

I did not write the poem,it is by Cassandra Johnson

**R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Sorry I suck and need to update more! But school is getting to me and I'm writing this to distress so don't hate me thank you!**

Back at the SHINee dorm Taemin is lying awake in his bed, as he does most nights. Taemin knew he needed to go to sleep or else he would be exhausted at school the next day. He hadn't slept in 36 hours and staying up was the only option if he didn't want to have nightmares. If he went to sleep he would only have nightmares of Key and Owen in bed together with all the other members laughing at him for being in love with his hyung. Knowing that his "umma" would get worried if he didn't want to get up in the morning, he gave into his heavy eye lids and fell in to a deep sleep.

* * *

Onew ran through the dance for dazzling girl for the 5th time the night "Why can't I get this right?!" he mumbled to himself, knowing his problem was the lingering curious to see what was in the notebook he had recently found in Taemin's room he soon gave into the urge to look in the book. He turned to the most recent writing in the small journal and almost started to read but there was a knock at his door. Onew tucked the small journal under his pillow and called for the person to come in.

Key walked in to the leader's room with a slight frown on his face. "Hey… Have you noticed anything weird about Taemin recently? You know like with the whole sweater thing earlier?" he asked with a worried tone.

"Ugh yea I have but I think we should just let him be … for now." Onew replied to his boyfriend.

"Okay but I'm really worried about him, he is not as happy as he used to be these days," with that key walked out the room to go check on the younger.

Onew decided to read Taemin's journal tomorrow, when he was fully awake.

* * *

The SHINee members had just finished the dance for 'RingDingDong' at one of their solo concerts when Onew took the mic "Hello Shawols! I have very exciting news; me and my fellow member Key have decided to get married!" **(A.N. - I know gay marriage is not accepted in Korea but this is my story…) **Taemin fell to his knees and began to sob. Key grabbed him by his arm and pulled him to his feet, then yelled in to his face that he would never be good enough for Onew. Taemin looked up to the crowd and every single person out there was laughing at him.

Taemin woke up in a cold sweat, "thank God that was a dream. I was so scared…" he mumbled to himself wiping of the tears from his dream. Taemin pulled down sleeve and looked at his cuts, "time for a new one I guess..." He got up and grabbed some clean clothes and the small razor; he hid the razor in the clothing and began to walk to the bathroom down the hall. As he walked out of his bedroom he ran into someone and dropped all his stuff. He looked up and saw Minho, before Taemin could even attempt to pick up his clothes Minho had already handed them to him. Taemin thanked him and walked to the restroom; striping off his clothes Taemin turned on the shower and stepped in. He finished his shower in about 10 minutes than brushed his hair and teeth, than got dressed and walked out of the bathroom to go get some breakfast.

* * *

"Good morning Taemin!" Key said in a sing song voice "I decided we will all have a American breakfast today! We will be having eggs, bacon, and American pancakes!" **(A.N. – I guess Key is a morning person…) **Taemin sat down at the table with Minho and Jonghyun as Key placed a plate in front of each person at the table. Each member ate their breakfast, and Taemin and Minho began to walk to school

Onew walked out of his room yawning, as he spotted something on the floor. He picked up the small object and realized it was a razor, "why is this on the floor next to taemin's room?"


	4. Chapter 4

Taemin sat in the back seat of the classroom doodling in his notebook, pictures that would make no sense to anyone other than himself, such as dance moves he created, stick figures of dates he hoped to have with his hyung in the future, but his favorite were detailed drawings Onew's beautiful brown eyes.

The rest of the class wrote the notes that were for the test on Friday, Taemin glanced up occasionally to make it seem like he was paying attention. The girls next to him were whispering and gossiping about the people in their class, but not loud enough for him to hear what they were saying. He hid his drawings from their line of sight but, still every time that they silently laughed Taemin felt like they were talking about him, talking about each one of his flaws or that they knew of his scars. Every time they laughed he would silently slide deeper and deeper into his chair. As the bell rang Taemin grabbed all his things and ran out of the room to catch up with Minho hyung and to leave before the girls had a chance of confronting him. As he meet up with Minho they talked about the fan-meeting that was coming up in 2 weeks. They are supposed to wear the outfits for their new song '1000 years, always by your side' to promote the song in Korea even thou it was in Japanese. He didn't doubt that all the Shawols' would buy the song even if in wasn't in their mother language, but E.M.I. wanted more Koreans to buy the new song.

* * *

After lunch taemin walked to math class, he really enjoyed this class and found the work to be quite easy, this was the only class he sat in the front of the class because he wanted to. When class was about to start the teacher called him up to come talk to him. "Taemin, recently I have noticed you have seemed ... unhappy. Are you okay? If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." Taemin was mad, this man had no business in his life other than to teach math, he shouldn't be meddling in his personal life!

"I haven't been feeling well the week, sorry to worry you, sir." Taemin responded respectfully, even though he would rather yell at his elder. The rest of the class went by extremely slowly. All he could think of was his teacher finding out about what he had been doing to himself. When class finally ended he rushed out of the school so the teacher could not say anything else to him.

* * *

Minho hyung had soccer practice, so Taemin could walk by himself today. He plugged in his headphones to his white Iphone 4 and began to play his music, the first song that came on was 'Crying' by Heo Young Saeng, He loved this song, even thou it was meant to talk about a girl it reminded him of his older brother he hardly ever got to see anymore. he hummed to the rhythm of the song as he strolled the sidewalk to the SHINee dorm. The next song that came on was an older song 'Wedding dress' by Taeyang _(A.N. sorry I had to put this song in here, it was my first kpop song XD) _this song slightly scared him, it made him think that he let Onew slip through his fingers. He prayed for a second chance to show his love to his hyung.

He made it to the dorm right as the song ended. He took out his headphones and put them in his backpack as he walked through the front door, "I'm home! Minho hyung is at soccer practice," he yelled to who ever was in the house. He walked into his room and turned on his laptop. He went to teachers blog and printed out the notes that he ignored today. He did the homework for math class then figured that he was done with schoolwork for the day. He went back to his laptop and got onto iTunes to add some new songs he had heard on the radio that morning, someone knocked on the door of his room so he minimized iTunes and yelled for them to come in. At the door was a bored Jonghyun, "Taemin, I'm bored! Onew and Key are on a date and I have nothing to do!" he explained. It hurt Taemin to hear this but he tried to keep his sadness from showing on his face.

"How about we get some lunch?" Taemin offered. He saw Jonghyun's face light up, it made him smile knowing that made someone happy. "Let's go to that new American restaurant, I heard it was really good!" Taemin offered, Jonghyun looked as happy as a puppy about to get a treat. Taemin grabbed his grey Nike jacket that was amazing soft and warm, and his wallet. The restaurant was only three blocks away, so they could easily walk there. On the way they talked about their next tour, the weather, and anything that came to mind. The two band mates were very close, but hardly ever got to hangout with just them. Even though Jonghyun was shorter then Taemin, he was like an older brother, someone he could talk to about anything, err almost anything. No one got to know about the self harm Taemin put himself through, no one. "Jonghyun I have a secret that no one knows, you won't tell if I tell you, right?" Taemin asked his hyung who agreed, and even went as far to make the young man pinky swear to promise not to tell. Taemin leaned into his ear and whispered, "I have a big crush on Onew hyung..." Jonghyun seemed surprised, but soon smiled.

"So our little Taeminnie finally admitted to being gay," Jonghyun joked poking the youngest member's mushroom hair. Taemin blushed such a deep red that he could be called tomato instead of mushroom. " Don't worry Taemin, I think Onew likes you, too. And if not, you can have any guy you want! You're so cute! You look enough like a girl even a straight man would fall for you!" Jonghyun joked with the teen. Taemin smiled even though his hyung was making fun of him. Jonghyun did joke around a lot, but wouldn't lie to taemin about this. He really did believe Onew liked the kid, he was still trying to figure out why he was with key. But at that moment he decided he would get the leader and the mushroom together at all cost, even if it involved fried chicken.

* * *

_Okay guys I added another chapter! But I really want to know if anyone is reading this ... so if you guys want to be awesome please review for me, okay? Thank you! I love you all even if you don't review! But here is a cookie if you do review ( ^_^) (: :)_


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